Navigating Traumatic Grief.
By Gillian Rodriguez, MA, LPC
Grief is a deeply personal journey — one that never looks exactly the same from one person to the next. As a therapist, I’ve walked alongside many individuals navigating grief, and while each experience is unique, there is a particular kind of pain that stands out: traumatic grief.
This form of grief doesn't just stem from the loss of a loved one — it arises when that loss is accompanied by shock, horror, or trauma. Think of a sudden accident, a suicide, a violent act, or a medical event that happens without warning. These aren’t just painful losses; they often shake the foundation of a person’s world.
What Is Traumatic Grief?
Traumatic grief happens when the circumstances of a death make it difficult — sometimes impossible — to move through the natural grieving process. It’s not just about missing the person. The mind is also struggling to make sense of what happened, replaying distressing images or emotions, sometimes over and over.
In clinical terms, traumatic grief may overlap with Prolonged Grief Disorder or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), depending on how the symptoms show up. But labels aside, what matters most is the lived experience: the intense, complicated pain that can come with this kind of loss.
Signs of Traumatic Grief
In my sessions, clients struggling with traumatic grief often describe:
Persistent intrusive thoughts about the death or the moment they learned of it.
Hypervigilance — feeling constantly on edge, as if another tragedy could strike any moment.
Avoidance of places, people, or conversations that remind them of the loss.
Emotional numbness, or the sense of being “disconnected” from themselves or others.
Deep guilt — sometimes rational, often not — about what they could have done differently.
It’s not uncommon for people to say, “I don’t recognize myself anymore.”
The Healing Process
Healing from traumatic grief is not linear. And it’s not about “getting over it.” Instead, therapy focuses on helping individuals integrate the loss into their life narrative — to remember their loved one without being dominated by the trauma of how they died.
In therapy, we often work with:
Creating space to safely process both the trauma and the grief — not one or the other.
Restoring a sense of safety in the body and mind through grounding and regulation techniques.
Challenging guilt or shame-based beliefs, especially ones that may not be rooted in reality.
Reconnecting with meaning — finding small moments of purpose again, even in the midst of pain.
Sometimes, we use approaches like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) or Trauma-Focused CBT, especially when trauma symptoms are persistent.
If You’re Grieving This Way…
Please know this: you are not broken. You are not grieving “wrong.” Traumatic grief can make you feel like your entire world has been shattered — and in some ways, it has. But with time, care, and support, it is possible to begin picking up the pieces. Not to forget, not to “move on” — but to move with the loss, in a way that honors both the difficult and beautiful parts of grief.
If this is your experience, I encourage you to reach out — to a therapist (we have some), to a grief group, or even to a trusted friend. You don’t have to carry this alone.
